well i got an answer tonite. and a short one too, but it made a lot of sense.
"we just werent a match."
by now anyone can figure it was more then a "friendship" i was talking about.
honestly, deep down inside for a long time i thought we were not a match but she was (is) such a great, and unique girl. Unique compared to anyone else i had tried to woo. Sometimes i would think that if we ended up together she could help me become the man i want to be. Politcal, Literary, and all that good crap. Because she is so much of those things and i am none.
ah, nothing i am saying is coming out right, and i refuse to delete anything i have typed.
i have been missing her for a long time now, and despite the fact that i know now we are not going to be together i will be missing her for a long time to come. up until today a small part of me believed things would be like they were before i went back up there. a friend called this Denial. and i knew it was denial and i didnt care. thats all i had.
and now with one single tear that rolled down my cheek i have nothing, once again.