"My Thoughts"
Why did I try
to hide my feelings?
To hide underneath
a blanket of fear?
All of my life
was spent in uncertainties.
All of my days
worrying away my youth.
I hoped for someone
to take away my cares,
but that someone doesn't exist...
all I'm left with is pain.
Today I decided:
to take it away,
to make it end,
to stop it here.
And so I lay here
awaiting my end.
It's funny how death
brings about thoughts of life.
But never the good things done...
always the undone,
those you've hurt,
the shortcomings of your life.
Things I've failed to do
run wild in my head.
It's out-of-control thnking,
I can't hear what you've said.
I see people's faces
with mouths moving fast.
Everything is white and bright
then dashed with splashes of red.
I don't choose to listen
to the babbeling faces here.
Instead my mind wanders back
to thoughts of those I've failed.
The man I love and leave alone,
the children he and I share,
the friends -- I didn't think they cared --
but for them I tried to be there.
My trying never was enough;
my love: it always fell short.
That's what I see
looking back on my life:
images of failure,
things undone,
and regret.
But all I can do
with all these thoughts
is lay here and think as I die.
