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One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
> "It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
> He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."
>
> And they say blondes are dumb...
>
> A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."
>
> "It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors woul d think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
> "Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
>
> He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight? She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.
>
> Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
> A: A rumor
>
> A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish. The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.
>
> Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
> The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger... Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!! Gotta love that fairy!
>
> A PRAYER....
>
> Dear Lord,
> I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
> Love to forgive him;
> And Patience for his moods.
> Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
> I'll beat him to death.
> AMEN
>
> Q: Why do little boys whine?
> A: They are practicing to be men.
>
> Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
> A: Trustworthy.
>
> Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
> A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
>
> Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
> A: To stop the snoring before it starts.
>
> Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
> A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
>
> Q: What is the difference between men and women?
> A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every wo man to satisfy his one need.
>
> Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
> A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"
>
> "It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
> He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."
>
> And they say blondes are dumb...
>
> A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."
>
> "It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors woul d think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
> "Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
>
> He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight? She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.
>
> Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
> A: A rumor
>
> A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish. The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.
>
> Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
> The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger... Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!! Gotta love that fairy!
>
> A PRAYER....
>
> Dear Lord,
> I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
> Love to forgive him;
> And Patience for his moods.
> Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
> I'll beat him to death.
> AMEN
>
> Q: Why do little boys whine?
> A: They are practicing to be men.
>
> Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
> A: Trustworthy.
>
> Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
> A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
>
> Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
> A: To stop the snoring before it starts.
>
> Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
> A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
>
> Q: What is the difference between men and women?
> A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every wo man to satisfy his one need.
>
> Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
> A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"
>
