Breakdown?

I remember when I was a kid. I don’t know what age. I would have to ask my mom, and that is if she even remembers. Anyway, now that I am older I can look back and I can see that I either had a nervous breakdown or an anxiety attack. I don’t know over what; I was just a kid.

I used to have some sort of hallucination. Objects in the room used to look very close to me. As if they were going to hit me in the face. I used to dream while I was awake. Stupid dreams to. I would dream that I was watching Dukes of Hazard and that some sort of dinosaur would attack them. That was a stupid dream but one that I had was very scary to me. I used to dream that soldiers were invading our neighborhood. At one point I was so freaked out that I went to my parents room and I was talking crazy. I would ask my dad if he was ok. If the soldiers had attacked him. Finally, I vomited all over the floor. My mom tried to get me to eat. First she tried Fruit Loops. I remember spilling the milk on this throw pillow we used to have in the living room. The next thing she tried to feed me was a Whataburger burger. It was disgusting. That is the first and the last time I have ever eaten a burger from there. Sometimes I feel like I am the only Texan that doesn’t like Whataburger.

I remember I used to go sit in the restroom. I felt safe there I guess. I used to put my head on the roll of TP that was attached to the wall. I also felt as if whatever was attacking me while I was in there couldn’t get me. I remember I used to feel very helpless. I felt like my hands were so big; so big that I could not pick up a needle that was fallen on the floor. Helpless.

The one thing that would actually soothe me was listening to FM Radio. I used imagine the words of the songs flying out of the radio and over my eyes. I would calm down eventually and fall asleep.

I don’t remember how many times that happened but I had similar feelings tonite although not to the extent of what I just described. I felt a little helpless and I wanted to hear music really loud. It brought back memories of when I was a kid. I almost have no memories of being a kid but this came back to me. I’ve talked about it with a few people but I don’t think they even cared and I don’t remember who I even told.

Now it is out there.